Pancakes Solve Problems

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I made them from scratch!

It’s been a rough couple of days. Sometimes there is just a lingering sadness, that you can’t seem to get rid of. It’s been lingering of late. I’ve been fighting it, these past few days. But the combination of the sadness, of how uncomfortable I have been physically, and of missing my dad (away on business for the past 3 weeks) has just pulled the fight out of me.

It’s a push and pull trick, keeping the sadness at bay. Sometimes it’s easiest to not acknowledge it, sometimes it’s easier to write about it. But no matter what I try, the process always stays the same. I try to fight it for a little while, and then something small will make me cry and everything will come rushing out. Rushing out to myself, though. I don’t share these moments with other people, because that wouldn’t bring to anything good. It’s not a moment where I need a pep-talk, or a hug, or sympathy. It’s a moment where I need to say hello to the sadness, and let it out to roam the room. When I’m ready, I let it back in and I move on.

There’s something funny about the moments that make me cry. They can be totally trivial, like seeing a cat on the side of the road, missing a phone call, someone misunderstanding something I’ve said or realizing I don’t have any milk for my cereal. Other times they truly are upsetting, like today. I got an 88 on my math test, which isn’t that bad a grade, but I was expecting much more. I made one mistake, on the whole test, and it happened to be worth twelve points. If I hadn’t made that mistake, I would have gotten 100. I’ve been working my butt off all year in math, and this was the last test. I studied so hard, and I felt really prepared. I took the test, and it went really well. I came home with a good feeling, and told my whole family that I think I did well, even better than last time (which was a 93). Now I have to tell them all that I got an 88, which, again, is not such a bad grade. It’s just upsetting, is what I’m saying.

So basically, the moment comes and I let the sadness out, in wretched sobs that tear their way out of my soul. I curl up in a ball, cry, and the anguish takes up residence. After a few minutes, I run the bottom of my wrists under cold water, dry my tears, accept the sadness, and go do something productive. That’s how it ends, until the sadness comes a’knockin’ again.

So today, walking home from school, I listened to Chocolate (by The 1975), which is a strangely uplifting song, then I came inside and let myself cry. After that, I marched to the kitchen and made pancakes. Yeah.

I don’t know if I’m ever going to really be able to make the sadness disappear, because it feels like it’s here to stay. But I think I’m handling it pretty well. I’m a dealer. I deal with the stuff that life throws at me (not drugs). And when things get too hard again, I’ll make some more pancakes. Because hey, pancakes solve problems.

Pancaking,

Ella

Song Quote:

Come on, what would you do? Get up on my feet and stop makin’ up tired excuses. -What Would You Do, City High

P.s. Thank you to Kiersten and Chewitt over at Socially Oxward, for nominating me for The Very Inspiring Blog Award! 

http://sociallyoxward.wordpress.com/2013/06/14/the-much-delayed-vi-blogger-award/

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15 comments on “Pancakes Solve Problems

  1. ewada2012 says:

    Beautiful post! Full of hope! Sharing hope!! Lovely!!

    Like

  2. Brain Storm says:

    Thank you for this. I’m going to make some pancakes right now and SMOTHER them in butter.

    Like

  3. sandrabranum says:

    You’re right. Sometimes ya just gotta cry until ya cain’t and then (to quote from “The Wiz”) Ease on down the road.

    Like

  4. theweebolz05 says:

    I love pancakes…with lots of butter though. On a bad day…instead of ice cream, I’ll make pancakes. If there isn’t anything in the house to eat…I’ll eat pancakes.

    Like

  5. Forest So Green says:

    Thank you for visiting my blog so I could find yours :) Annie

    Like

  6. igobythebook says:

    Yummy! Those look like they would make anyone feel better.

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  7. hafong says:

    Your pancakes look delicious!

    Like

  8. ladyhawk87 says:

    I love pancakes :) I am so glad you are better now :) Hugs!

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  9. Pancakes not only solve problems, they are the key to world peace. Only with 100% maple syrup, though. ;-)

    Keep the tears and the words flowing. Both have very therapeutic effects, little mama.

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  10. Over the past few years I’ve become a greater fan of logic than math, which I really enjoyed in my youth.

    So logically, your 88 is in the past, and since you know of your mistake, then consider it a “100 going forward”!

    Don’t be too smug about that 100 though . . . by the time you get anywhere near my age, it’s best to forget those tests even exist! Having said, lately I’ve been thinking about pretty much the first thing I learned in algebra.

    That is that you can let x be any number you want it to be. The same goes for all the other letters, so hmm, basically it all sounds pretty wide open – so much for objectivity – and I’m not even going to begin to think about trying to let a number be a letter!

    Given the above, it kind of puts a different context on that term “word count”! Hope you have a good day. :-)

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  11. You have much to be proud of. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You need to encourage ‘You’ as well as others

    Like

  12. Ivy says:

    Thank you again. Your words are strong, because they come from the heart. At the end of the day we all do what we must, and we do move on…pancakes, waffles, and Nutella crepes in tow…

    Like

  13. richcross13 says:

    I am nominating you for very inspiring blog award.

    Like

  14. Mike Crape says:

    I love your writing, always excellent. I also understand your relationship with sadness, sometimes living in that moment is a wonderful way to move on, just being there long enough to let it pass. Thanks for sharing.

    Like

  15. It’s healthy to let things pour out. While it’s upsetting you didn’t get the grade you know you’re capable of, you gave it your best, and that is always enough.

    Like

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