I’m Not That Simple

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I am a person, with feelings, memories, thoughts, opinions, experiences, and a personality. I can’t be described in 140 characters, you can’t get to know me in an hour, and you won’t ever be able to know what I’m thinking.

I had a not so fun experience yesterday. It involved a man, who calls himself a homeopath, who kind of pissed me off. Sorry for the language. I have this little thing, which is that I hate doctors. I’m sure I’m not alone in that. When I was younger, I quite liked them. I would have a sore throat, show up, they would give us a slip of paper, that got us some meds, and my throat would get better. Magic.

But now, the same process occurs, every single time, no matter which doctor it is. I come in, already upset (because I hate doctors), and my mom and I sit down on their uncomfortable chairs. My mom pulls out my humongous medical binder, and hands them a bunch of papers. They take their time, reading it out loud, because of course, I don’t already know what they say. They look up and make disbelieving eye contact when they read about the Fibromyalgia, the cancer, the narrow angles. What is there not to believe?

Then they give me this smile, and say something along the lines of “your life sucks”. But in a condescending way, which is very simply rude. Then they make me repeat everything they just read, and whenever I mention a pain, they ask me what relieves it. I tell them nothing. They repeat me. You know what, I’ll just write this out, it’ll be easier.

Me: My head aches are probably what bother me the most.

Dr: The head aches?

Me: Yes.

Dr: So what helps those?

Me: Nothing.

Dr: Nothing?

Me: Nope.

Dr: You haven’t found anything that helps?

Me: That’s what I’m telling you.

Dr: *disbelieving eye contact, insert variation of “your life sucks”*

Me: *Sigh*

Dr: So what else hurts?

And the whole process repeats itself, over and over again. Then they ask me to step up onto the bed, and they poke me. Literally. Then they ask me if that hurt. I say yes. For instance, the “homeopath” yesterday decided to tap my face (where there are a billion Fibro trigger points). It went like this:

Me: Ow.

Dr: It hurts when I tap your face?

Me: Yes.

Dr: How about now?

Me: You’re still tapping my face, and it still hurts.

Dr: How about if I tap lightly?

Me: Seriously, anytime you tap my face, it’s going to hurt.

Dr: *mumbling* wow, your pain threshold is very low.

Me: No shit, Sherlock. That’s why I’m here.

Although that last line is only said in my head, because I don’t like swearing. Swearing is reserved for doctors.

Anyway, all of that happens every time I go to the doctor, and I put up with it every time. What really pissed me off yesterday was that the “homeopath” told me he wanted to get to know me, know what kind of person I am, because that affects what might help me. So he asked me to describe myself, using a few words. Insert the first paragraph here. So my mom took over, and I just let her talk to him. Then, he was trying to find out if something specific happened that triggered my fibromyalgia. I told him there was nothing, that it just started slowly coming on.

Then my mom said something along the lines of “there’s stress in life, because it’s life. A lot of stuff has been going on for us, if that’s what you’re asking”. Then he asked her what she meant, and she said, “for instance, my mother passed away a couple of years ago”. At which point I started crying, because… because.

So this stupid “homeopath” started trying to connect my Fibromyalgia, with force, to my grandmother dying. He only stopped when I gave him a look and said “I don’t understand why we need to be talking about this”. I’m pretty sure he was scared of me, because he seemed to shrink and changed the subject. Guess what he changed it to? “Do you get angry?”

My god, of course I get angry! For instance, I’m angry at you right now! That’s what I wanted to shout at him. But I didn’t.

Me: I’m human, I get angry sometimes.

Dr: Like when?

Me: When it’s right.

Dr: Do you get angry easily?

Me: I have a lot of patience, if that’s what you’re asking.

Dr: *Insert disbelieving look here.*

Wait, I haven’t even gotten to the best part yet! “Mom, does Ella like being hugged?” I’m not kidding right now. He asked that. So my mom, bless her, said “Of course she does! Gently, of course, so it doesn’t hurt, but she’s a very loving person”. So he turns to me and he says “So who do you give this love to, Ella?” People, you should have seen the look I gave him. As my dad says, if looks could kill…. I crossed my legs and said “The people who deserve it”.

Insert disbelieving look here. Sensing a theme?

I could just go on and on, with all of the horrible things this guy said over an hour. But I won’t, because it’s probably not very interesting or fun to read.

My point is, this “homeopath” decided he had to get to know me, and that he could simply do so. Yeah, right. Jerk.

He ended the meeting with “So Ella, you’re a warm, creative, responsible person. Therefore, I’m going to give you these pills, because with the kind of person you are, that’s what could help”. He set them on the desk in front of me.

Me: What do they do?

Dr: They help even out your body, so it can cope with what its going through.

Me: How do they do that?

Dr: What do you mean?

Me: I mean, there’s a substance in those pills that’s supposed to even me out. How does it do that? What’s the substance?

Dr: That would be a very long discussion.

Me: So?

Dr: These will help, that’s what is important.

Which made me feel like he’s a drug dealer, or that I’m being checked into a psych hospital. What’s for sure, he was totally scared of me at this point.

Me: What does my personality have to do with the pills?

Dr: Sometimes an illness comes to a person, and sometimes the opposite.

Me: And…

Dr: If a person falls, it breaks a bone. The doctors fix the bone, but then, the recovery depends on the person.

Me: Unless the doctors suck and mess something up. But recovery depends on the person’s character, his situation, his support system. Not the pills he’s taking.

I don’t even remember how he answered that one.

I was very happy to leave that office. Except I have to go back in a few weeks. Oh well. I’ll come up with some witty retorts for next time.

You, lovely readers, don’t assume you know me after an hour. That’s why you rock.

Yours truly,

Ella

Song Quote:

Don’t wanna sound ridiculous, but I think you know I’m sick of this. -My Oldest Friend, Andrew Belle

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18 comments on “I’m Not That Simple

  1. cvapatient says:

    I applaud you for hanging in there! I had to educate myself to weed out the doctors you describe and found great info in the books of Chistine Nortrup (woman’s lives, woman’s bodies) and Andrew Weil (www.drweil.com). I may have misspelled the names a bit. Hope they help you like they did me to select the good doctors. I would leave this doctor in a heartbeat never to return! Sending you good thoughts :-)

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  2. Ms. Ladybug says:

    One good thing about not having money or insurance…I don’t have to deal with doctors. The bad side is that I can’t ever get any help. I hate doctors too! And I am a nurse. I despise the health care system. I worked 10+ years earning degrees and different certifications…but they don’t let me help others they way I want to and they certainly haven’t helped me to help myself much. It does suck…having a life of pain. Gentle hugs!

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  3. MommyAtLast says:

    Unbelievable! I am not sure how you endured and hour appointment that went like that! And how you can face going back in a few weeks time.

    My first fertility specialist was also scared of me and became flustered whenever I asked questions. I think he found me too challenging, so I found a new doc. Forgive me for this, but it is my opinion that if your doc doesn’t have enough confidence in what he is peddling to stand up to and answer your challenges then he doesn’t sound up to the job.

    I really hope you find some answers and some relief.

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  4. roberthurst says:

    Right on… Keep asking good questions.

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  5. carlisdm says:

    Yeah, that doctor was a nightmare and I really hate it when they don´t want to explain you exactly what´s going on and how the meds are going to work! It´s like they were sitting there thinking that regular people are just so dumb to understand an explanation.

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  6. Nodding. Nodding. Nodding. I LOVE IT! You meant to be a writer. Amazing.

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  7. duece2929 says:

    Loved this reading… thanks.

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  8. Ella, there is a subtle yet sharp sense of humor in your writing. Love it! :)

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  9. Hi Ella

    I understand what you are going through with the doctors not the personal pain you suffer for as each Human is different so is the conditions under which we suffer pain.

    Me personally I suffered bad in a car crash ( head first into a bus ) it is a long story so i will bypass it but that is a small part of my background. From there started a long string of Doctors, Xrays, psycho doctors, neuro doctors, and the worst of the lot governmental doctors again thats another story but oh boy.

    The truth is the only person in the whole world who knows your body is really you and you alone. No amount of chemically induced pills handed down will ever give you a cure why because Doctors only TREAT not CURE. how do I know short answer is how else did the doctor afford the Malabuyo beach house?

    but I would like to share with you some of my own personal findings in dealing with pain maybe they will be useful to you maybe not but I do believe in sharing so if it helps I am happy if not I hope you find something that does soon.

    1. Use non crystallized Ginger cubes eat then 4 cubes after eat meal and before bed at night. Ginger has many useful properties like easing joint pain, reducing bad fats build up in the blood, and others you can find out more online if you like to look it up

    2. I like to drink one cup of white tea in the afternoon round 2 or 3pm plus one slice of toast with organic honey on it. this works for calming and helps in detoxifying your body.

    3. a bowl of porridge in the morning for breakfast with 4 dry Apricots, tablespoon of blueberries, tablespoon of goji berries and 1/2 teaspoon of ground cinnamon sprinkled over instead of sugar and tablespoon of lite milk.

    4. midmorning I have a coffee or tea plus 4 squares of 70% dark chocolate and a 1/4 cup of walnuts, I also try to enjoy 15 minutes of sunshine as well.

    5. I do not eat red meat or pig meat parts both of these cause high levels of acidic acid in the blood which increases blood pressure and stress as a result.

    6. I do eat fish and steamed vegetables as well as Bananas Apples and other fruits. I find 2 glasses of filtered water between the mid snacks as I said above helpful too.

    7. I eat home cooked chips oil well drained and homemade chicken burgers. I know I am bad but you still have to enjoy a little life as I believe a little bit of anything is good regularly.

    8. I find magnetic underlay on the bed useful and either watching a feel good movie or meditating type music before bed improves my nights sleep. sometimes I have a hot lemon drink with Honey in it if I feel really unsettled.

    9. if you are cooking chicken can I suggest adding these herbs, sage, oregano, thyme, chilli, garlic and turmeric. apart from giving a nicer taste this set of herbs seem to work well together. well at least for me they do :-)

    that is what I have come to learn about helpful aids in my life over the years, some may work for you along with other things but it is like I said everybody suffers different in life and only you personally will be able to understand what is good for you and what is not as you try and error with different food types and measures to balance your suffering too.
    Peace be with you Ella I do hope something was useful to you personally out of my sharing.
    Ken

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    • Amelia Thio says:

      I agree that doctors can only treat the symptoms not cure the disease. Your body can heal itself if you listen to it and treat it properly. I used to have rheumatoid arthritis and no matter how much drugs I took the pain is always there. Doing simple tasks like tying my hair or squeezing toothpaste was painful. It was very depressing when I can’t do simple things like that.

      Anyways, I couldn’t accept the fact that I may eventually lose mobility and end up in a wheel chair for the rest of my life. So I researched alternative ways to treat the disease and came across articles about changing the diet. I went on an elimination diet basically just eating fruit and veg and then slowly adding other food and monitoring the way I feel after I eat a certain food. Anyways long story short, it works! I am no longer in constant pain, I don’t take the drugs the doctors prescribed to me and I eat healthily, exercise more and reduce stress as much as possible!

      It wasn’t easy! But I believe anything is possible if you put your mind to it. Stay positive!

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  10. nmbrsrgr8 says:

    I just wanted to say, ” You are awesome!”. I have had similar conversations with doctors. I don’t often hide the fact that after 32 years without any medical answers that doctors DONT KNOW EVERYTHING. I applaud your spirit!

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  11. I’m really sorry that you had such an awful and frustrating time with the homeopath, but this is such a great and funny post! Thank you for some light amusement to brighten up my day :-) I think I’d have probably hit the guy when he asked do u get angry….and that would probably not have helped! Who wouldnt be angry with a chronic illness that is barely understood never mind curable. i think u were v restrained! I wonder what kind of pills he’d hav given me…

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  12. This sucks! I am a new reader who has my own “invisible illnesses” as I refer to them. I like the way that you stood up for yourself. :-)

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  13. Wow. You put that so well. I’ve had so many stupid doctor/healer visits. FM has zero to do with your personality. It is a disease.

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  14. risinghawk says:

    That’s a funny story – not that what you went through is at all humorous – but funny in the ridiculousness of it. As a longtime sufferer of Fibromyalgia, I do know that there DOES seem to be some link between stress and the condition – at the very least, anxiety and stress/trauma exacerbate the problem. I wish you well. Peace . . .

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  15. I read your post nodding and grinning the whole way through going Yes, Yes, YES!!! Not because I presume to know you (because I would never do that! Lol) but because I deal with the same so-called-doctors about my arthritis and get the same infuriating line of questioning. Aaaaarrrrrggghhhhh!!!!

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  16. graypoet says:

    Unfortunately this scene is played out way too often and by way too many people. But then, if Doctors knew what they were doing, would they still call it “Practicing” medicine?

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  17. jennpower says:

    Oh doctors. I have to deal with psychiatrists who are also exactly like your doctor. Not fun at all. They seem to treat people as objects. The worst thing I find about health care is that they dehumanize people- I know it’s to focus on the problem which they should be doing, but it just gives me chills every time. You can’t know someone after spending 15 minutes with them in an appointment and then rushing them off for your next appointment. It’s incredibly dehumanizing- they treat us; but they don’t treat us like people. I guess that’s the big flaw with the medical profession. And then everybody wonders why we don’t have enough doctors…

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