Apparently, I am simple.

Baby at the beach

What I felt like doing the second I got out of his office…

I went back to the homeopath, the one that “I’m Not That Simple”  is about. Joyful, right? Well.

First thing he says to me is “Ella. You look better.” I got this feeling inside that I was about to have the most wonderful experience of my entire life. Really. I’m being serious.

No I’m not. First, he did the same thing that annoyed me last time (which I could say about a hundred things, so I’ll be specific). He read out every symptom I have, and asked me if I still have each one.

Me: We can just skip this, I feel exactly the same.

Dr: Exactly the same?

Me: Yes.

Dr: But you look better.

Me: I tanned.

Dr: You have more color in your face.

Me: Because I tanned.

Dr: So you still have the head aches?

Me: Yes.

Dr: And they still start in the morning?

Off we go again, repeating it all. I’m really not going to rant about this too much, I did that last time. The one major thing that bothered me (again) was that he was still trying to peg my Fibromyalgia on one specific event.

Dr: Ella, what do you think happened that gave you Fibromyalgia?

Me: I don’t know.

Dr: (pulls a snotty face) you can give a better answer than that, Ella. (Annoying usage of my name.)

Me: I don’t know. It happened. Life happens.

Dr: What do you mean by that?

Me: What do you mean what do I mean? Stuff happens, in life. Fibromyalgia happened.

Dr: So there wasn’t anything specific?

Me: No. We went over this last time.

Dr: Well Ella, I can’t remember everything.

Clearly. I was starting to get very upset at this point, because I know they have to ask, and often Fibro is caused by accidents or traumatic incidents, but we had already been over it. We had already told him it wasn’t like that, and that it wasn’t a psychological trigger. It literally just happened. I started getting this pain, then a year later, that pain, a few months later, another, and within another few months I was a wreck, and we were scrambling for appointments at the children’s hospital to get me diagnosed. It happened. It’s happening.

Do you want to hear the best part?

Dr: Oh, now Ella’s angry. She’s got that fire in her eyes. You definitely seem better than last time.

Me: Yeah, last time I was kind of having a bad day (slightly sarcastic, you can imagine).

Dr: A very bad day.

Me: Yeah. Thanks.

That’s it, I’m done now. It sucked. He put me on a new “remedy” (didn’t explain this one either), and just to make it more fun, I have to take it twice a day rather the one, like last time. I eat like a bird, people. I need food, every 20 minutes. With this remedy, I have to not eat anything for half an hour, take it, then wait another half hour before eating. The problem is, I forget to take it until I get hungry, and then I think, shit. The medicine. So I take it, but that extra half hour is torture because I’m already really hungry.

But, it seems I will just have to deal.

I get major points for not losing my temper.

Your truly,


Song Quote:

A white blank page and a swelling rage… So tell me now, where was my fault? -White Blank Page, Mumford and Sons

P.s. What do you guys think about me adding a page (next to Home and About) about Fibromyalgia? The technicalities, I mean, what it is (to the best of my ability), what my personal experience is, sources for more info? Let me know.


Update (07.24.13): I’m off an vacation in a few days, so I don’t know when I’ll be able to post again or when I can sit down and work on the info page (I probably won’t have access to wifi for a while). Sit tight, I will return with a lot to tell, and the info page will make its way here. Thank you all again!

25 comments on “Apparently, I am simple.

  1. bethpow06 says:

    Ella did you start a page about fibro? I apologize on behalf of sanctimonious healthcare providers who only believe lab tests and X-rays, and fail to hear the suffering human being in front if them. Have you tried any of the energy healing modalities (reiki, therapeutic touch, healing touch)? If you have written about it and I missed it forgive me. But I would strongly recommend it if you haven’t.

    Continue to see yourself whole and healthy. You will get there and beyond!


  2. trotter387 says:

    HI Ella I read your post today and it took me back 20 years when I first came across Fibromyalgia, the difficulties in diagnosis created real problems for the patient and the family. Sadly it seams you still experience the same issues, ignorance, lack of appropriate communication and condescension.

    The way you articulate the issues illustrates one of the major coping strategies any chronic pain requires “the chance to say this is real and it is happening to me”.

    Never lose sight of the fact the mind is a powerful tool and your endurance is based on the inner strength you have already developed and continue to feed. You write well and I will read through as many posts as I can over the coming days.

    Don’t forget to have some fun at the expense of the condition because it puts it in its proper place. Chronic conditions can control your life if you let them (I was born with a degenerative lung condition that has become chronic but it doesn’t control me)


  3. serenstar75 says:

    I spent the majority of my teenage years constantly sick. Let’s be honest. I’ve been ill since age 11. I understand entirely where you’re coming from. I had an MRI at 16 that pegged me with some possible “birth defects” that would cause the migraines. There is no single event I can say that triggered fibromyalgia for me. It’s been an ebb and flow through the years. I did have years that were better, and now I’m in the worst. You have strength, courage, and a great outlet here. You have an incredible way of writing what you’re dealing with.

    My rheumatologist pointed out that there are some genetic things that have been noticed in various people with fibro. I have joints that all hyperextend, which is said is very common because of how it impacts the nerve pathways for signals to the brain. I don’t know if it’s a “single event” so much as part of our makeup is very flawed. They still don’t know the answers. They’re getting there, but I don’t think it’s always a trigger.


  4. destinyjmm36 says:

    Wow, that doctor is a complete jerk! Yes, fibromyalgia can stem from traumatic things such as car accidents or dealing with a lot of stressors, but you have a point. It just happens. I’ve dealt with stressors before and in the end I was fine. But last year, after dealing with one stressor after another, that’s when it happened. I hope that you find another doctor that is more understanding.


  5. sandrabranum says:

    There are so many people with chronic pain; I feel for you and hope you find a better dr. I had to get a different one for my eye shots and was lucky enough to find a compassionate one. Hope you can do the same. Sandra


  6. I agree that it might be time for a new Dr. I’ve learned you have to take your health into your own hands. By this I mean doctors don’t know everything and they certainly don’t know exactly how you feel. Educate yourself about your illness, try different things (nutrition, exercise, yoga, creams for pain, whatever) and fingers crossed you will find the best ways to manage your symptoms and/or hopefully get better. I have 2 chronic issues and it was only through years of trial and error have I made any progress. I finally found a doctor who practices functional medicine and she is amazing. You are young but mature, articulate and intelligent, you have a great future ahead!


  7. victoriaaphotographyictoria says:

    Unless you find a truly compassionate Dr who has a good ‘bedside’ manner, I don’t think anyone understand chronic pain (unless they HAVE chronic pain).

    I’m lucky. I have a very compassionate Dr.


  8. cyleste says:

    I take similar remedies and hate the twice a day bit for a similar reason. I also can’t stand my doctor appointments, though instead of my doc going on about what caused my issues it’s more along the lines of him saying the exact same words he says every single appointment. Really?! Do they think we don’t notice that? One of these days I’m going to tell him some really goofy stuff just to see if he notices – like “yesterday I ate a hamster-burger and it really helped me feel better”. LOL!


  9. I miss the days of the family doc who knew you since birth and made house calls! Hang in there. I’d be interested to read your first-hand experience with Fibromyalgia.


  10. that’d drive me nuts. Naturopaths and suchlike can be morons at times. Hope you find something to help though.


  11. hubertwrites says:

    Ella, I am sorry but you know i had to laugh reading your post. I am sick and sick of it too!!

    But I know from the hell I have gone through and am going through RIGHT NOW THAT IT DIDN’T JUST HAPPEN… WE you and I and many more actually inherited this thing!

    Really! My Son Isaac is type 1 diabetic, a few years ago I asked His Doc what the relationship was between Fibro and Diabetes, Dr Gergis a world renowned pediatric ‘diabetic Dr’ look me in the face and said with her own mouth that they were linked, and in the same family of diseases with Lupus, and Leukemia, that they indeed are hereditary, and run in family lines.

    Now the Proof, My Dad had something that I now know looked a lot like Fibro, My sis was miss-diagnosed by every living soul in her unfortunate life as a nut, and a hypochondriac, she endured unwarranted surgeries and nearly died several time from meds that were not helpful to her at all! She did finally die at 59 and dad at 63…. both way too young!

    Another sister was 36 at the time of her death due to poorly controlled Diabetes. I my self have been fighting this thing all my life and suffered so much family, spousal, medical abuse ..

    Be glad you can be mad! The bible says be angry but do not sin…

    Well I have missed that mark a lot and we should be mad sometimes for the way we are treated by ‘stupid people’!

    I highly doubt you need anger management but a lot of true, and real love and compassion something which is almost extinct in this world today!!!

    Ho dont let your church fool you either they don’t care either!

    Their care only lasts until the mike is turned off and no one is listening, or watching….

    lol Ya I am angry…

    If you want we can be friends lol maybe we can comfort each other

    I don’t take any meds for My condition, however I do Listen to Binaural beats and isochronic tones on Youtube, and use and ave devise to help stimulate the brain, or the brain cell I have left

    YT Hubert


  12. Unique says:

    Take it from someone who knows fibromyalgia in and out, literally:
    a. There are types of alternative medicine proven useful for FMS (beyond someone’s say so), and homeopathic medicine is not among those.
    b. FMS is not a disease… it is a complication of another disease (or other diseases). So, as long as the underlying cause is not identified, FMS is going nowhere.
    c. I agree with the person who said you have to stick to treatment and not give up if things don’t work, but that only applies to a doctor you trust and know s/he cares to try along with you.

    Hope this helps.



  13. Taylor Jamieson says:

    Very thoughtful,

    Sometimes Ella, it is not about the question. Yes, some doctors annoy the sh*t out of me but no matter how many trips round the hamster wheel they want to ride you should never stop focusing on the next step. In the mountains, the next step is the summit. Go there.

    You see, some people believe you can’t move forward without keeping an eye on the rear view mirror…personally, I always hated that saying about not being able to see where your going without knowing where you’ve been…those people are wrong btw. I like to tell them they can’t win the race looking in the rear view when they really need to be thinking two turns ahead.

    Make a list a questions for him about his thoughts two turns ahead before the next visit and send them before you meet, Listen to his answers and see if it all makes more sense. Yes, he will keep asking the same questions, but he will acknowledge that you need to trust he is really listening to your answers. Right?

    Back to your writing…writer to writer…keep pushing Ella and never become predictable. It is the familiar that will bring your readers back but the unknown and the unexpected that makes us read to the end. :) You have to work at writing when you are looking out the window or waiting for the time to get the words out.. Like the Supermarket story , the inspiration is all around us,

    Enjoy your vacation.



  14. Trisha says:

    A few years ago I saw a naturopath who practiced homeopathy and your experience with this doctor reminds me a lot of my experience with this ex-naturopath of mine. I always walked away feeling bullied and belittled. After I did some research on homeopathy, I realized why they ask these seemingly random questions, but some of them really need to find a better way to ask them!


  15. gypsymamakas says:

    Reblogged this on The Oracle of Grooviness and commented:
    For my friends suffering from Fibromyalgia, this blog is dedicated to one woman’s trials and triumphs (big or small) fighting this curious disease.


  16. gypsymamakas says:

    I’m reblogging this, I have several friends with Fibro, and like you, there was no “reason”, it just WAS. It would be awesome if you had info as well as your personal experiences, I know my friends would appreciate the support, and advice. I’ll also do some research and talk to my friends about what seems to help and what makes it work, if you wish. Research is kind of my biggest addiction, I always need to find out more, and sharing what I know makes me happy inside. Thanks for liking my post, btw, and you have a long road ahead of you, but remember, there are people who care, even those you’ve never met. :)


  17. Why are you even seeing this quack? He doesn’t know some people just get Fibromyalgia, just like some people get MS, or cancer, or turn out to be gay. NO ONE know why some people have Fibro, why does this supposedly educated man think you know why and when this happened. He seems to be pushing you to define some tragic event that triggered it. Do yourself a favor, and find another doctor. JMHO


  18. I think having a page would be great. As for the herbal mixed try setting a reminder in your phone. That’s what I have to do for everything in my life or I forget!


  19. happyhealthy365 says:

    an information page would be AWESOME! do it


  20. I like the idea of putting information on your blog… I know we all have Google and can find endless information on medical conditions, but I think it means a lot to hear which sites YOU think best describe fibromyalgia. I would be interested to see this because you seem like a very thoughtful and articulate person, and you obviously are living the reality of this condition. Best of luck. And I agree with the above comment… New homeopath. You got nothing but time, right?


  21. My advice? Find a new homeopath. He clearly doesn’t understand you and isn’t willing to take the time to really listen to you.


  22. Some “doctors” really should be banned from practise until they get this little something called competence … and yes, an informational page would be cool!


  23. chronos313 says:

    I’ve definitely had my share of doctors like this. They can be so frustrating!


  24. Ivy Dashti says:

    Dearest Ella, Anger management for the Dr., and waffles for you!


  25. risinghawk says:

    I have to think it wouldn’t be a bad idea – the more that people know about the condition can only help advance research, or at least an understanding of it. Peace . . .


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