Run For Me?

Oh, what I would give to run again.

I wonder, had I realized then

(Then, as a younger person)

That I would one day not be able to run…

Would I have done it differently?

Would I have gone quicker, longer, farther, harder, freer?

Do you go quicker, longer, farther, harder, freer?

Because I go slowly. I ache as I walk. If I were to run, I would cry as I ran. Can you run for me? Can you satisfy this burning dullness in the pit of my inner athlete by running for me?

I can’t run. Sometimes it feels like I can’t live. Sometimes I need to write this down in the middle of the night because all I want to do is run. Sometimes all I want is for someone to figure out the truth of why I can’t run and to fix me. Cure me. Save me.

Someone. Do it. I can’t run until you do. Can you take extra footsteps for me? Extra footfalls, heavy breaths, aching ribs, rippling muscles, sweaty palms, frizzy hair. Make up for my lack.

I’ll watch you run. I’ll sit here in a chair and track you with my eyes as you run by me, around me in circles, on top of me, because I can’t run for myself and I’m nothing to you. Nothing. Just a nothing who can’t run.

Make me run.

Ella.

Song quote:

Run until you feel your lungs bleeding. -Run, Hozier

 

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8 comments on “Run For Me?

  1. you have an amazing gift in writing, you word things so beautifully. I can’t run either because i have a disorder called POTS. You are not alone.

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  2. James Jude says:

    Beautiful work. Makes me want to run.

    Like

  3. rlsharpe says:

    I can’t imagine how bad this must be for you. I’m not much of a runner, but I like to walk and it would be terrible not being able to do that. My thoughts are with you.
    Great song choice, I’m loving Hozier at the moment.

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  4. purpldragon says:

    I’ll run for you, and when I do I’ll remember that I wont be able to run forever and how lucky I am that I can run now.

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  5. I can no longer run either but I was a runner once. Track and cross country. It feels like a lifetime ago. I have started walking again. Baby steps. I will walk for you, since right now, it’s all I can do.

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  6. Waza Solomon says:

    Hi Ella, while i run for you, (which i’ll surely do) Can you sing for me? Because i can’t sing.

    Song: Jesus Loves Me ~ Chris Tomlin

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  7. pisswhychick says:

    I’ll run for you. Hey maybe I can help your pain remotely. Check my last post…the snake.

    Like

  8. starfish says:

    Next time I feel down I’ll try to remember and run for you.

    Like

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