Brave.

 

It’s hard for me to write why I’m scared and what’s making me nervous. Clearly it’s all of it, but there’s something keeping me from using the words. In three days I’m moving out to a place I’ve never lived before to live with people I don’t know, and start a new job at a center where I know no one and will have to prove myself from scratch. It’s a lot, and my pain is through the roof. I’m barely sleeping and for the first time in awhile it feels like fibromyalgia is a dragon breathing fire once again.

I’ve been making promises to myself recently. Maybe I’ll use those words.

I promise to remember that it’s okay if:

  • I cry a lot.
  • I don’t conquer everything at once.
  • I feel scared.
  • I call home a lot.
  • I ask for help with silly things.
  • I cut myself some slack and not try as hard as I always do.
  • I feel lost and small. No need to feel even worse for feeling those things.
  • I don’t have fun right away. Things take time.

I promise to take good care of myself. To do so I need to make sure to:

  • Stretch before bed every night. Seriously.
  • Follow the annoying but wise “no-screens-after-nine-p.m.” rule.
  • Eat well, which means cook.
  • Keep up my exercise. Find a class or something… Yes! Become that young adult in a new place who joins groups to meet people.
  • Call my people.
  • Write a lot. It keeps me sane, it keeps me calm, and it’s beautiful to look back on. 
  • Listen to music all the time. Have dance parties. Rock out to my jams when I’m feeling down. It always works, like true magic.
  • Be nostalgic the appropriate amount. It’s par for the course. Draw strength from the experiences and memories.  

I promise not to forget that:

  • I deserve my best shot at life.
  • This whole adventure is a good thing. It’s what I wanted. Remember why you are where you are.
  • I am creative, capable, and a total badass, so I can turn anything that’s thrown my way into a piece of cake (that’s non-processed, dairy-free and chocolate-free. Maybe I need another metaphor). 
  • It might not be right away, but I will have fun! I will have so much fun. I can’t lose sight of that. I purposely created this year to have what I’ve been missing this past year – new people, independence and some fun.
  • There are so many people rooting for me. They have faith in me and they know I’ll do well and succeed and live a good life. If they know it, I should know it too.

Also, Ella? Once everything settles down your pain will alleviate. You know that, so don’t freak out. Survive it like you survive everything else. Don’t lose sight of everything. Ready set go.

Time to be brave.

~~~

Ella
Song Quote:

I did my best to assure her but assurance isn’t easy to give. -Words, Passenger

 

As promised, a new collage! This will go on the wall of my new bedroom.

collage

All of the pictures are from magazines, and I like to cut flowers out of different ads and glue them on for a pop of color.

collagecorner

“She believed she could, so she did”

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8 comments on “Brave.

  1. Hi Ella, you are surely not the only one. You will fall off the wagon sometimes but always remember to get back up. You will learn a few things about yourself that you never knew existed. This is not only a new journey but a new discovery of who Ella really is.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. […] to Ella for inspiring this. In her post, she talks about moving to a different location and starting a job in a place where she knows no […]

    Like

  3. Taylor Jamieson says:

    Yes.

    And drink a glass of water every morning when you wake up… not because it’s healthy – that too – but to remind yourself that you are the world.

    :)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ivy Dashti says:

    Wishing you the best on the eve of your new journey. It sounds very exciting. Don’t know where you are going, or exactly what you’ll be doing, but wherever and whatever, enjoy the freedom and thrill of getting out there! Brave indeed!

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s hard for anyone to move to a different location and start from Square 1. I remember when I moved from my home town of Sheridan, Wyoming, to Fargo, North Dakota, where I successfully completed a six-month music therapy internship at a nursing home. Good luck with your venture. You’re in my thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Jackie says:

    Are you familiar with Chronic Babe? Your promise to take care of yourself reminded me of what she calls sacred practices. Here is a link if you aren’t familiar with her already: http://www.chronicbabe.com/awap-wednesday-sacred-practices-revisited/ She has a lot of helpful videos!

    I am rooting for you! I love your lists and think they are right on target.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ella says:

      Hi Jackie, thank you so much! Chronic Babe spoke the truth, and it’s interesting to see that I’m not the only one who has to work so hard to make sure I take care of myself properly.

      Like

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