Break.

And then comes the breakdown. Because apparently, it’s time. Because I’ve been doing so much, managing so much, taking on immense responsibilities greater than what I’ve ever handled, so yeah… something slips through the cracks.

Except that what slipped through the cracks is a big deal and beyond anything I’ve ever had to figure out before. It’s my fault, my responsibility, and I’m struggling to figure out how to fix it. Such a small mistake and such huge fallout (or at the very least that’s how I feel).

But you don’t make mistakes if you never do anything. I’ve been trying to do everything, and so I’ve made a mistake. Sometimes I forget I’m only 19. I’m living on my own and working a job I’m not really qualified for with zero training, and with that in mind – what’s surprising is that I haven’t messed up until now. Right?

It’s going to work out however it works out and then it’s going to be over.

It’s a breakdown, but I’m not really broken. I’m okay.

~~~

Ella

Song Quote:

We’re gonna get it, get it together somehow, get it together and go up and up and up.

-Up&Up, Coldplay

Advertisements

8 comments on “Break.

  1. Lois Roelofs says:

    I get it. And I’m much much older. And I’ve just overdone and am paying for it. You will survive though! As I will. Once again:).

    Like

  2. riselikeair says:

    Easy no. A journey yes. You have the attitude of a winner.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. lom says:

    Take it from someone well into their 50’s don’t worry about your mistakes. You are 19, in 12 months time this blip will be forgotten. Be kind to yourself. Remember the person that never makes a mistake NEVER learns anything.

    Sending you a big hug

    Bright blessings to you

    Like

  4. Claire says:

    Oh sweetie, you’re only 19. I think of myself at that age, just struggling with being chronically ill and not understanding what was happening to me, and I just want to reach back in time and hug out all that pain and confusion. I’m sending you one right now.
    Be kind and gentle with yourself.

    Like

  5. If you were perfect you’d be god. If you’d never made a mistake you’d be perfect. If I make a mistake I accept responsibility. It’s funny how that unnerves people. People try to deflect responsibility. You made a mistake, you dealt with it. Be proud of yourself.

    Like

  6. Jorda says:

    Sometimes life on your own is a struggle, but it does get better. When I first lived away from family and home, I was on a tiny ass island barely able to afford living, let alone eating, but you keep going, overcoming, and it gets better with time.

    Like

  7. Wendy says:

    Remember you are human, we all make mistakes. Give yourself a break. Take a deep breath and try to look at this non judgmentally. You are doing great. It’s a mistake. That’s all.

    Like

  8. Hang in there and keep the faith. Stuff happens, none of us are perfect. :)

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s