I will walk in there.

I will walk in there

With my head held high

And tell him it’s time

I say

Goodbye.

 

I will tell him:

 

For months and months

It’s been the same old story.

We’ve been going around and around

The same things

And nothing changes.

My feelings keep getting hurt

And I deserve better.

 

I don’t think you realize how much it hurts

When I get my hopes up that things will change.

 

I do what’s best for you

And you do what’s best for you.

Can’t you see that’s not how it’s meant to be?

 

Every time I have to wait for you to decide

Whether you’re going to come see me or not

(And you decide not).

Every time you say I should tell you what I need

And then I do

(And you don’t do it).

Every time I hear the phrase

“This is what’s right for me right now”

(And what’s right never seems to be

Being with me).

Every time,

I lose a little bit of my self respect

Because every time, I just accept.

But I can’t keep doing that.

There’s a limit

And we have reached it.

I don’t want to keep feeling like I have to beg

For your attention.

 

If I keep forgiving

That which hurts my heart

I’m not sure what I’ll have left of it.

 

It was exactly a year ago that I told you I loved you

For the very first time.

I gave my heart to you that night

And now I have to take it back.

 

I know my self worth.

 

I deserve someone who drops everything

When I tell them I need them.

I deserve someone who does the utmost they could possibly do

To get themselves to my side.

I deserve someone who wants to see me

More than anything.

I deserve someone who doesn’t make me wait

And wait and wait.

I deserve someone who never, ever,

Makes me feel (even just a little bit) rejected.

I deserve someone who puts me first,

And who loves in the way that I love.

 

Sometimes, you were that person.

But often, you weren’t.

I owe it to myself

To demand better.

 

I know my self worth.

 

I will say goodbye

And then I will walk out of there.

 

And also:

 

When I walk out of there

I will break my own heart.

~

Goodbye, Tomie Tom. You’ve been my world. I will always love you. I miss you already.

~

Ella

“I’ll always love you, but tonight’s the night I choose to walk away, I’ve got to.” Midnight Train, Sam Smith

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9 comments on “I will walk in there.

  1. So, so sad. But out there something great is waiting…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lois Roelofs says:

    Breaking up is never ever easy. Wishing you all good things as you move on.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. hideawaygirl says:

    geez, that’s really empowering. I just through a breakup too and it’s the shittest thing but this poem shows the new and exciting future you are going to have without him. Sending love X

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ivy Dashti says:

    It hurts. I’m sorry that you are hurting. It’s unfortunate that sometimes we have to hurt to learn what we want from others, what kind of behavior we can accept, what we should expect, and demand from others. It’s a huge learning curve. It’s unfortunate that sometimes it hurts so much.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ella says:

      Thank you Ivy <3 It was definitely a necessary learning experience, and it's so empowering, but it does hurt. Thank you for understanding, and for continuing to care about me. Means so much

      Like

  5. Robin says:

    It’s like you wrote my story.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m sorry for your loss and your pain. I empathise. But, you are doing the right thing. Sending a virtual hug. Dx

    Liked by 3 people

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